Restructuring Frustration Tool

Step 1:

State a specific behavior you do not like.

“I don’t like it when you…”

Examples of specific behaviors:

Example A:

“…show up late.”

Example B:

“…ignore deadlines.”

Step 2:

State your overall desire.

“What I most want…”

Example A:

“…is for you to be more reliable about time.”

Example B:

“…is for you to be a team member others can count on.”


Step 3:

State specific changes in behaviors

“I want…”
“…you to call when you are going to be more than 15 minutes late.”

“…you to be ready to leave early enough to see the previews when we go to a movie.”

Example B:

“…you to commit to deadlines you truly feel you can keep and are committed to.”

“…you to be accountable to renegotiate deadlines or suggest option for meeting them.”

Step :

Then ask:

“Are you willing?”